Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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