how do flat chested girls get laid?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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