yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Too much gin, very little bucket
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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