Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize