I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
