I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
