3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize