I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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