...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
