Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
