everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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