God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
