Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
