It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
