i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
