nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Screwed.edu
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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