I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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