im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
