you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
