my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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