I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
