I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
