he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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