I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
