Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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