At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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