so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
