It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
