I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
