I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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