last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
