Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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