she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
