Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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