I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
