Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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