Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
