ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize