Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
