I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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