One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
