The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
