Porn is love you can see.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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