didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
