Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
