As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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