oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
