doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
