My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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