Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
