he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
