Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
