Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My ass is underappreciated
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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