doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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