nut hugger
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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