PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
