i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize