this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
