dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
