his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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