I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
