Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize