So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
