did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
