when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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