you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
