I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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